Control issues can create a lot of problems in a marriage. In fact there are many marriages that have ended up in divorce court because a husband or wife decides they are sick of having every move they make controlled. When issues of control surface in a marriage they inevitably turn into major disagreements too. Many husbands and wives will tell you their worst arguments that bordered on abuse were related to disagreements about what one spouse could dictate to another.tn requin
When one spouse feels as if their husband or wife always has to have their own way, it can create real problems in the marriage. No one likes to feel they have lost control of their own life and are at the mercy of someone else in every area. Control issues can impact a marriage on all levels.tn requin
• Maintains tight control of money and forces spouse to ask for household budget
• Always has last word about children
• Decides how couple will socialize
• Makes all purchasing decisions
• Controls how spare time is spent
Controlling behavior can often turn into a form of abuse over time. One of the traits of an abuser is the need to have power and control over the spouse. Sometimes the controller begins exerting this power in small ways and the control grows over time. A spouse who feels controlled may respond is different ways. One spouse may actively resist the control while in another marriage the spouse becomes submissive.
Suffocating the Marriage
Controlling behavior can literally suffocate a marriage. Marriage is a partnership that should focus on the needs of both through compromise. When one spouse controls the life of another, only one person's needs are being met. It doesn't take long for the marriage to begin to disintegrate under these circumstances.
Changing controlling behavior is not easy. First you have to make the person doing the controlling aware of the fact their behaviors are unacceptable and why. You need your spouse to understand that you are not going to let them have the power of control over every aspect of your life. The fact is that a person can only have control over you if you let them. In an abusive situation, a spouse gives up all control and resistance to the abuser which is the source of the power.
Talking About Control
When you approach your spouse to discuss the issues of control, it is important to begin without anger or resentment showing. If you express negative emotions from the beginning the odds of having a productive conversation are slim. Instead, you should choose one situation and talk about it and only it. You don't want to start hurling accusations or threaten to leave or make it clear you are not budging on any issue. Instead you want to show your spouse how compromise can work in the marriage which negates the need for control.
When a person has a controlling nature it can often turn into a battle of wills between husband and wife. But it doesn't need to be that way. When one spouse shows signs of trying to take too much control of your life, you should respond with patience but make it clear you are not going to have every action controlled. You don't have to scream or yell, but can simply follow through with your own plan when you believe it is right.
Any discussion of control must make mention of the fact that a marriage should never involve domestic abuse of any kind. If your partner appears to be headed on the path of becoming a domestic abuser, then you need to seek counseling right away. If your spouse won't attend counseling sessions then you should go on your own. This sends a loud and clear message that you are aware of the efforts of your spouse to control your life and you are not going to just let it happen.
When you married your spouse, it was with the belief that love and compassion would enable you to share a partnership. When one spouse makes an effort to control every move, it is a violation of the trust you have placed in the marriage. With counseling and plenty of communication, the issue of control can be addressed. It is important to deal with matter as soon as possible too, because most people with controlling natures are not going to change without intervention.